The Audley Public House, Mayfair

Skip The Nonsense

It was time to head to the London pub version of a Harrods sale queue, The Audley Public House in Mayfair.

OK, maybe a slight exaggeration but basically at The Audley Public House, it’s a very popular and trendy pub, mixed with some rah rah’s and plenty of tourists – and not everybody respects a non-existent queue.

There’s no queue and no way of booking a table. So you turn up and hang around, waiting for people to finish eating/drinking, loitering with roast dinner intent. Waiting and staring at people with only half a beer left. Waiting 30-40 minutes in our case.

Then someone gets up to leave but before you can pick up your bag, someone new strolls through the entrance and sits on the newly available table. BAM. A bit like Spliff Politics from Human Traffic, if you are not too Gen Z to know what I’m on about.

Humans totally unaware of all the other people milling around, each of us in our own miniature geopolitical crisis, waiting for the something almost as rare as a day of ceasefire that Israel actually ceases fire.

Though obviously there is nothing to worry about in Gaza now, because King Donald has secured eternal peace.

Anyway, I’ve had enough of moaning about dictators.

For now.

Like…I’ve literally had it up to the roof…or perhaps the ceiling anyway.

Elizabeth Wilbraham Probably Cooked A Great Roast Dinner

Which brings me to…ceilings.

Have you ever wondered what the best ceiling is at a pub where I’ve had a roast dinner? No? Perhaps you wonder what lingerie I bought for my imaginary girlfriend on my birthday in Paris earlier this year?

No? Happy to go with best ceilings?

Right, in number 5 we have The Woolpack in Bermondsey.

Clearly back in 2018 I wasn’t aware of my future needs of photographs for Ceiling Of The Century awards, and hence have only half a photo of a renaissance-themed ceiling. Average roast dinner, banging ceiling.

In position 4 we have Clapton Country Club. Yep, I didn’t even consider I’d be this desperate for content in the future back in 2023 and hence you don’t see much ceiling:

We’re talking rustic tram shed vibes with a big disco ball. Really my kind of ceiling. And a very good roast dinner too.

In position 3, we have a new entry – not that I ever had a top 40 countdown previously, mostly because Bruno Brookes wasn’t available.

It’s The Audley Public House.

So we did get a table (I’ll come back to the top 2 best ceilings with a roast dinner when I inevitably get bored of talking about carrots) though my accomplice did have to metaphorically shoot two people who’d again literally just walked through the door and tried to grab it.

Getting a table at The Audley Public House is stressful. It’s a really gorgeous pub, the décor is stunning, the ceiling is a modern art masterpiece, the wallpaper on the way to the toilets is out there but ace, the toilets are lush, the beer choice is…well they have a Steady Rolling Man, but otherwise fairly ordinary.

Elizabeth Hurley Must Love A Roast Dinner?

But, urgh. Getting a table is dog eat dog, and boy are they ready to eat dog in Mayfair.

Oh and when you do get sat down, you’ll find out that roasts are £30+.

Well, I wasn’t giving up my new-found stool, and acceptance into Mayfair life, whilst a besuited chap with a flat cap that was tinkering away on the piano surprisingly pleasantly.

Yes, the sign says “no playing the piano”. Also people should respect the invisible queue for a table, and the IDF should fuck off back into Israel, but hey, this isn’t the world we live in.

Anyway, on the menu was half a chicken at £30.00, pork belly at £30.00 and sirloin of beef at £36.00, plus a sharing lamb thing at £64.00. Just imagine if you were a vegetarian/vegan and had done all the stressful waiting around for a table shiznit…then to find out that even the chips come with beef dripping béarnaise, or at least can do.

I’ve been really craving pork belly but for some reason I went for the beef. I just had a feeling it would be really good here.

Elizabeth Gentry Definitely Ate Roast Dinners, Though Was Imaginary Like My Girlfriend

Our roasts took a good 20-30 minutes to arrive, whilst we curiously watched a group of 4 Chinese tourists share a roast dinner. But then they later shared fish and chips…maybe they also shared a sausage roll, but I didn’t see that.

Starting with the carrot which had been sliced vertically and was effectively just three mouthfuls – sweetly roasted but not much else to say.

Gosh I’m bored already, shall we have the second best ceiling in roast dinner reviewing history? This has to go to The Black Lion in Kilburn – a Grade II listed building with a gloriously ornate ceiling, and actually with a glorious roast dinner too.

Fine. Back to the carrots, for we also had a carrot and swede mashed medley – perhaps there were other vegetables going on but those were the two I picked out. Creamy in terms of texture, but tasting of their vegetable components. Two lots of carrots? Told you I’d get bored.

Cabbage was on the crunchy side, but pleasant enough.

My accomplice wondered what the black parts were in her cauliflower cheese, though we soon discovered they were burnt bits. Yet the cauliflower cheese was cheesy, and quite gluttonously so – if also very mushy with burnt specks.

Queen Elizabeth II Definitely Loved A Roast Dinner And Probably Read This Blog

A whole 4 roast potatoes were supplied, and oh my god these were some of the best roast potatoes of the year. Stop the press – I actually had some roast potatoes that were not only not shit, but were wonderful.

They did actually melt in my mouth, gloriously crispy edges, fluffy inside – this is the gold standard of roast potato. Welcome back, roast potatoes. Welcome back.

I wasn’t so bothered about the Yorkshire pudding, it was a tad on the cold and dry side, though it did have some fluffiness in places.

I couldn’t decide whether to use the photographs with the brightness on or not, so this is with brightness on – the others without.

So maybe the beef looks rarer than it was, though it was on the rare side of medium. Clearly a good quality cut of beef, it was really tender though I’m not sure the flavour was brought through as much as it could have been. And two fairly thin slices for £36.00…Mayfair.

Finally the gravy was a rich jus-like gravy, rather on the oily side and one you could appreciate yet not want too much of. A Mayfair kinda gravy.

The Audley Public House

Phew. That’s one of the trickier places to review from my to-do list completed.

The Audley Public House is a gorgeous pub, with character and a Mayfair type of vibe to it – a more upmarket tourist would certainly find appeal here, though a bang average English bloke like myself (not that there’s really anything too average about someone who’s reviewed 346 roast dinners) can just about fit in too. Well, can fit in once there is a table available – which took us a plenty of patience, perseverance with a pinch of panic.

The roast dinner is good. Some of the best roast potatoes of the year – really gold standard stuff, and everything else was broadly good – maybe only the yorkie needs a bit of work.

That said, apart from the roast potatoes, it isn’t especially stand-out. If you cannot be bothered with the table-waiting drama, then you aren’t especially missing out. Though they do also have a restaurant called Mount St Restaurant upstairs, which you can book – and probably serves the same roast dinner.

My accomplice couldn’t quite bring herself to score it in the 8’s and offered a 7.99, until she went to the gorgeous bathrooms at which point it became a 7.999999.

Likewise I cannot stretch that high either – it’s a very good roast dinner, you will enjoy it, but maybe for £36.00 in a pub I’d just expect a little more flavour in places. My score is a 7.83 out of 10.

Oh you do actually want to know what the number 1 ceiling in roast dinner reviewing history in London is?

Well it goes to The Old Bank Of England, of course. Poor roast dinner, superb ceiling.

Have you got a favourite pub ceiling? Can I have a roast dinner there? Do drop a comment…

I’ll be back next weekend, at another trendy but expensive pub.