I’m having an existential crisis, but first I needed a roast dinner (of course) and this week it was at The Old Bank Of England on Fleet Street.
No crisis can really happen in my world without a roast dinner first, but you could say they are causing a crisis.
It isn’t really that I’m having an existential crisis – I’m living in a gorgeous flat (albeit in Croydon), family are healthy, job is going well, I have my 4th, 5th and 6th holidays of the year booked, the Tories fucked off, my stock market account is well in the green (cheers M&S, though I nearly bought Ndivia in 2016 which are now worth about 1000x what they were then, so I’m not celebrating too much).
But roast dinners are going badly. Before today, the average score for a roast was a 6.89 out of 10 – the second-worst year so far. The most recent roast was a score of 5.22 out of 10, though I had a proper Sunday Funday after. The week before I spent £65.00 on a roast, a beer, a glass of wine and a train – by myself. The Sunday before, ok was a good roast dinner but had abominable new potatoes.
And not long before that was this true turd of a roast dinner:

Really, this blog is having an existential crisis.
Get In The Roast Dinner Wank Bank
But not everything in life is a crisis. Andrew Tate was arrested (again) this week for…
Yep, being a pedo (allegedly).
Well, who would have thought that.
Also.

Decency will prevail. And, hell, maybe we can make roast dinners great again one day.
I have been thinking about changing policy. Previously I’ve always said no re-reviews. Once a pub/restaurant has been reviewed, that is their score for eternity. But some of them are looking quite out of date – is The George still really 4th best roast dinner in London, that I reviewed in 2018? Back when I had an mp3 player. Is The Old Red Cow, reviewed in 2017, still the 10th best roast dinner in London?
My current problem is too many poor roast dinners – as I’ve done most of the really good places, as far as I know, anyway. So maybe a few re-visits of the oldest reviews are in order. I’d appreciate your opinion. No, really, I would.
Unless you are Elon Musk or one of his fascist sycophants, in which case I don’t ever want your opinion on anything.
Old Gordon Banks Of England
So another Sunday was approaching and I span the random number generator. It chose Mare Street Market in King’s Cross, and I let out a little sigh of expected averageness, and agreed with my accomplice to spin again, as King’s Cross is a useful location to keep aside.
It then chose The Old Bank Of England. And I let out another little sigh of expected averageness.
The only reason that The Old Bank Of England went on the to-do list, was because of their gorgeous ceiling, and it didn’t let me down in that respect.

Inside is actually quite a stunning pub, as you’d expect from somewhere that used to be old Law Court’s branch of the previous Bank of England, until 1975. The gold trim on the ceiling gives it a more opulent feel, and it is tastefully decorated throughout – with a courtyard that has a Routemaster bus situated inside.
The service was exceptionally welcoming…well, eventually it was, once we’d found someone to point us in the way of the dining room at the back – a welcome of rare grace.
And eventually we received a drink – the session IPA was bang average, from a brewery I’d never heard of – quite possibly one made up by the pub Co, McMullen’s.
Alas, the wine was even more bangers average – and we found out come bill paying time that our medium glass of wine that we ordered, was a large glass of wine each. Thankfully, at £10.00 and £12.00 respectively, this wasn’t too bank account haemorrhaging.
Get A Loan From A Bank To Buy A Roast Dinner

Just two choices for a roast dinner – topside of beef at £22.00, or half a roast chicken for £20.00. No contest – topside is a poor cut of beef in my opinion, so I ordered the chicken.
Or there was a beetroot wellington at £18.50, but as I said, just two choices for a roast dinner.

Starting with the carrots…
Hang on, let’s ask ChatGPT to sex this up a bit.

Am I supposed to know who Drake is? Anyway, starting with the carrots and ignoring ChatGPT because I’m so over AI, except for it helping me to write code. They were soft and otherwise fine, though minimal flavour. Though I’m not now thriving.
Parsnips too were soft, and just tasted of parsnip. Fine, as my mother would describe pretty much anything she liked or didn’t like.
I’ll always be happy when I see tenderstem broccoli. Again, they didn’t taste of anything other than broccoli, but otherwise they were nicely balanced between soft and crunchy – right in the middle.
I’ll Bank That Please, Des

Roast deep fried potatoes don’t look quite as anaemic in the photograph as they did on the plate, and were quite dry and a little under-cooked on the inside. My accomplice said they tasted good, but that’s because they were deep-fried, and anything deep-fried tastes wonderful – even the chicken which still had liquid blood in the middle of it that I bought from the chicken shop on Wednesday night after my work do, where I was drunk enough to tell my manager’s manager about this blog…except that he already knows it exists.
I would share the photo of the chicken, but pretty sure you’d drive to Croydon, pick me up and admit me to hospital. And I ate around the bleeding part of the chicken thigh anyway.
No such luck with the chicken at The Old Bank Of England as this was dry as fuck.

Well, maybe I exaggerate a tad, but my accomplice’s topside of beef was notably better, despite it looking fairly well-done and being topside. Oh well, you win some, and you lose some, and you lose some, and you lose some, and you lose some, and you some some, and you lose some, and you lose more sum, and you lose some more, and you lose some, and you lose some more.
And the chicken? Well, it the leg part was by far the most dried out – the breast was semi-plump and semi-dry.
The Yorkshire pudding looked like a winner, but somehow it was roughly as chewable as old slippers. And you lose some more.
I had two suspiciously round stuffing balls, which were semi-pleasant but a little too coarse inside, and not really quite cooked enough.
Finally, the gravy, was about as inoffensive as the X accounts that Elon Musk wants to demote in favour of those small accounts providing more insightful, cutting-edge Nazism – yeah it didn’t taste of much other than cornflour and granules, though it was thick. Proper thick. Unlike Elon Musk who is a genius…apparently. I feel like I’m getting to the point where I loathe Elon Musk more than Donald Trump. Anyone else?

The Old Bank Of England
Well, at least I didn’t have high expectations for The Old Bank Of England. That said, with the run that I’m on Blacklock would probably be testing new potatoes and vegan gravy on the week I turn up.
At least the vegetables were respectable and the gravy was thick. That’s the end of my compliments for the roast dinner, but the pub itself is gorgeous and should be visited if you are in the area. Definitely one of the best pub ceilings, along with The Audley and The Black Lion in Kilburn. Quite why Londonist don’t have an article on the best pub ceiling in London, I’m not sure. GIVE US THE CONTENT WE NEED.
This wasn’t a mega offensive roast dinner, but dry chicken, deep fried potatoes, really chewy Yorkie and bland (albeit thick) gravy did make it meh.
My accomplice enjoyed her beef more (though didn’t eat it all) and scored the roast a 6.50.
For me, it’s a 5.69 out of 10. Great ceiling. Crap roast.
We went to The George after, home of the 4th best roast dinner in London, where about 3 different members of staff tried to persuade us to have a roast dinner. I got chatting to one of them about the blog, when a Romanian couple on the next table said “is that the League Of Roasts” and showed me the website on their phone. And they were at The George because of this blog. Maybe the existential crisis is over.
I won’t be back next week, but that’s only because I’m going on a dumpling mission to Prague. I’ll be back the Sunday after, and it is the regular accomplice’s birthday so pray we have found somewhere decent.
Summary:
The Old Bank Of England, Fleet Street
Station: Blackfriars
Tube Lines: Circle, District, Thameslink
Fare Zone: Zone 1
Price: £20.00
Rating: 5.69
Loved & Loathed
Loved: The vegetables were respectable and the gravy was thick. One of the best ceilings in London also...worth a visit to admire the pub's beauty.
Loathed: Dry chicken, deep fried potatoes, really chewy Yorkie and bland (albeit thick) gravy.
Where now, sailor?
Random roast review: The Cat & Mutton, Hackney
