Roast Dinners in London

It’s the return of the Halloween special, with a review of The Prospect Of Whitby in Wapping.

Are you scared? You should be. Heh. Hehe.

For it is the year 2041 and King Elon has bought all the country’s pubs. Let that sink in.

The Prospect of Whitby has been on my to-do list since the beginning. Gosh, that’s almost 25 years of writing this blog, except for the voluntary lockdowns for the fake pandemic that we all did, and the 6 months that I spent in a re-education facility for calling King Elon a fascist back in 2026…what on earth was I thinking? He was just throwing his heart out to the crowd of white men, to say how much he is one of them. I’m sure the people of Africa much appreciated having to find their own way without US government support.

Posting on BlueSky (RIP…remember when we had other apps on our phones other than X? How quiant) that the Cybertruck looked a bit like a dented fridge didn’t help my case.

Oh glory to King Elon and Queen Beatrice. May they have Elon’s 78th, 79th, 80th, 81st and 82nd children in most glorious circumstances. Exactly. 🎯

The Prospect Of King Elon

The Prospect Of Whitby (or The Glorious Prospects Of White Men as I believe it is going to be renamed by the newly-taken over and renamed Greelon King Pub Co) is a historic pub on the banks of the Thames.

It’s a visably old and aging pub, badly in need of a clean, let alone a refurb. Coming next year, according to King Elon, though I believe he’s busy trying to sort out the cool new self-driving cars – coming in 2043 for definite this time. Self-driving cars…imagine? Wow.

It’s also one of various pubs in London that claim to be the oldest pub – and comes with its own re-education facility out back. Interesting.

And apparently the pub is haunted by Judge Jeffries. Concerning.

We arrived at midday and had to queue to get in. People were queueing to get into a Greene King pub! Must be the King Elon effect, I’m not the only one who will want to show their devotion.

We did try to book a table, but it was not possible a few days in advance – then again most restaurants have been fully-booked since AI bots ate the internet back in 2028.

The Prospect of Getting a Table In XAI Age

On the menu was beef rump at £19.95, lamb rump at £20.45, turkey at £19.45 or mushroom galette at £18.45.

Given that King Elon has only just taken over Greene King, I thought best to avoid the beef, as the sourcing wouldn’t quite be from Mars yet. Obviously I’m not going to disrespect the saviour of the Greater United States Kingdom by having a vegetarian roast dinner…so I went for the turkey.

Hell, it is Christmas after all. Every day with King Elon is like Christmas, and one day we’ll all get our flying cars to celebrate. OK, fine, it’s Valentine’s Day.

OK, I know, it’s actually Halloween.

Want to see what we were all queueing up outisde The Prospect Of Whitby for?

Good times. Heh hehe.

The Prospect of Flying Cars To Mars

Let’s start with the carrots which were the hardcore workers on the plate, and quite hard in of themselves – clearly not boiled for anywhere near long enough. They might have made good salad carrots, had they been grated. And in a salad. Concerning.

There was actually some flavour in them though, even if I couldn’t quite tell if it was honey or maple. True.

No flavour in the cabbage which simply tasted of water, and was slightly al dente. Interesting.

I couldn’t quite tell if the parsnips had been roasted in wallpaper paste or deep fried. They were pretty grim, tough to cut though not totally without flavour. I didn’t finish them. Troubling.

5, erm, potatoes were supplied. These were definitely from a freezer bag – a couple of them actually were ok, quite crispy on the outside and fluffy inside, if tasting bland. But others were the usual dry/chewy/crapness.

The Glorious Prospects of White Men Under King Elon

The Xorkshire pudding (heh hehe lmaooo) was strange. Strangely soft and fluffy yet most obviously not prepared in the same building and was quite chewy and plastic feeling. Very concerning.

I didn’t mind the turkey. It felt fresh, it had at the very least been freshly warmed up, it was quite dry also, but it could be worse. Not good.

The rectangular chunk of stuffing was undercooked and dry, but at least tasted like herby stuffing. Albeit herby stuffing that had been pre-processed in a factory by non-Optimus humanoids. Also coming soon – humanoids for all. Exciting.

My accomplice had the lamb, which came in two large chunks, assumedly due to a lack of temporary unscheduled cutlery disassembly in the kitchen. Apparently half of it was fine, the other half fatty.

Finally, the gravy which was quite thick, if lumpy. Also tasted like a mixture of onion and Bovril. Disturbing. Didn’t especially like it, but like a lot of the roast dinner, whilst miserable, it could be worse.

The Prospect of Whitby

Clearly we are still very early days in King Elon’s takeover of Greene King and despite the queue of tourists outside, nothing at The Prospect Of Whitby is yet awesome.

In fact, everything is concerning, very concerning or even troubling. Fact. Heh hehe.

The carrots and parsnips were too tough, the cabbage watery, some roast potatoes were dry and chewy, the Xorkshire pudding kind of plastic but at least fresh. Hmmm.

It could be worse – nothing was burnt, and nobody was bitten by a vampire. Granted, I didn’t use the toilets – they really did sound quite scary.

My accomplice scored his a 5.23 out of 10.

My score is a 4.20 out of 10. Geddit? lmaooo. 🤣🤣

Dear tourist – please go somewhere better than The Prospect of Whitby, and thank me later.

I’m sure it will be the most awesome pub by around 2043 – once self-driving cars, hyperloop and flying optimus robots arrive, which are just a year or two away. Or three. Or four. And then King Elon will deal with lesser human priorities like food.

Next week is a pub roast dinner. But at ouchie prices. And I’ll be back in 2026.

Stay scared.

In fact.

Stay really fucking scared.