Lord Gravy is back in action, with a roast dinner review of The Hillgate in Notting Hill.
You watched that, right?
All 13 minutes of applause? Yeah I think I deserve it.
8 fillings, 8 teeth removed, a hammer to the face, one very cute Hungarian dental assistant, around 30 injections and 6 screws drilled into my upper jaw, in return for the cost of 366 roast dinners in zone 1. Yes I was awake, like fuck was I going to pay another £730 just to be asleep through that.
So, yes, you shall now watch this video that you didn’t watch the first time and power your thoughts of admiration towards Lord Gravy.
Hillgate, Highgate, Not High On Hungarian Pharmaceuticals Any More Gate
Yeah apologies for the break in service, but I had to get my crackhead teeth sorted if ever I’m going to find a Señora Gravy, especially whilst I can still just about get a semi when I dream of Margaret Thatcher in stockings and suspenders.
Don’t worry, everything is still normal.
And of course, Musk is offering bribes of $47 for every registered voter you refer to his free speech petition.
Also with a daily lottery of $1m for voters in Pennsylvania who sign up for his Super PAC, promoting the Republican party.
All sounds perfectly legal and legitimate. Oh and normal. Very normal.
Quite possibly is normal for USA.
Also I still like gravy…hmmm…normal.

And mash is something I can eat easily with only bottom teeth. Mother Mash, by the way – actually rather damn good, multiple pies, multiple types of mash – and, the holy grail (vy), multiple types of gravy.
Jumping Up And Down On A Hill Like A Fat Ketamine Freak Who Loves Tax Rebates Because He’s Saving The World And Sending Us To Mars
It’s almost 6 months since I have given out a score of 8 or higher, and with an average score of 6.82 this year so far, 2024 is shaping up to be the second worst year for roast dinners since I started. Not to mention that in the worst year for roasts, I was paying £15.61 for a roast dinner on average. Add another tenner for 2024.
The Hillgate is not somewhere I had especially high expectations of. Picked as it was a convenient location to meet two accomplices who were nearby, as opposed to being anything notably special – though it is the sister pub of The Selkirk, which I highly rated many years ago.
Amusement wasn’t mine when I found a beer choice of Neck Oil and Gamma Ray…yawn fucking yawn, even more galling when for some reason I had gone on autopilot to The Mall Tavern, which has a glorious beer selection, before realising that I was outside the wrong pub.
Two menus and different orientations just to make life awkward for my blog.

So there were sharers on the menu – £90.00 for 1kg leg of lamb, or £65.00 for a whole chicken – don’t ask me if they come with the usual trimmings but I’d like to think so. But neither were in our consideration set because…effort.
Elon Musk is a Nazi.
Right that should be enough space between images.

Beef, priced at £27.00, isn’t happening until I have some form of teeth, unless it is slow-cooked – which sirloin ain’t. Likewise pork belly, priced at £25.00 – quite how do you eat crackling whilst you don’t have top teeth? Perhaps a piece may dissolve if I leave it in my mouth for two hours.
Which left me with…

Elon Musk Is A Nazi. We Can Die On That Hill
So the roasts took around 15 minutes to arrive, a sentence which I doubt you care about, but I write it so that there is some introductory text.

Shall we start with the carrot? Of course, we start with the carrot, one long glorious whacking chunk of carrot, roasted and seemingly charred on the grill at the end, the flavour of the carrot was brought out well, it tasted fresh and quite sweet – though I think without sweeteners, ie honey. Plus, I can squash roasted carrot against the roof of my mouth – I don’t need top teeth for it.
Speaking of squash, well, none of us enjoyed this roasted squash, replete with skin which is a brave choice. It kind of felt dirty in my mouth – like earthy dirty as opposed to fried chicken shop dirty. As much as we all enjoyed the carrot, we all loathed the squash.
Chopped bits of greens were fine, and tasted nice with the savoury gravy – mostly cavelo nero and some cabbage.

Ironically for temporarily having no upper teeth (this cost me two year’s annual bonus, one of which I haven’t yet earned, which could have gone on ecstacy-fuelled trips to Ibiza), the roast potatoes were crispy on the outside for the first time in months, though sadly were rather dry on the inside.
The Yorkshire pudding was actually soft, which was a delight. Though it didn’t really taste of anything, which was a meh.
Elon Musk Is A Fat Nazi Cunt
Then the vegetarian welling…what?
Embed from Getty Images Embed from Getty Images Embed from Getty ImagesAhhhh Margaret Thatcher.
Still reading?
Embed from Getty ImagesAhhh Margaret Thatcher and the EU.
Right that’s even the stray Tories gone.
Now nobody is reading, I confirm that I ordered the vegetarian wellington. For the first time in universal roast dinner history, Lord Gravy ordered the vegetarian wellington. Momentous – and nobody will ever know.

Firstly, it was soft – yay! Gosh roll on April 2025 when I become Jurgen Klopp.
So, soft pastry with a lining of green stuff, chopped mushroom which kind of gave it a maybe I’m eating stewed meat feel, and some rather too soft squash. I enjoyed it…in a Monday lunch kinda way.
Finally, the gravy. Don’t panic – I asked for the meat gravy, though my meat-eating accomplices had far more gravy on their plates. Do vegetarians not eat gravy? Must update my Tinder profile…in April 2025 anyway, “hola señorita do you want to date a fat bloke with a roast dinner blog, small nob and only bottom teeth…yeah thought not”. Oh yeah, watery gravy but quite savoury so I didn’t totally hate it.
Yeah…I’m baaaaaaaaack.
The Hillgate
I wasn’t too jealous of my accomplices, one of whom had a whacking chunk of pork belly, which was apparently really good – though the crackling was more chewy than crispy. Gosh that would have been wasted on me.
The other had the beef, which was some of the nicest beef she’s had in ages, so I’m told.


It was a respectably average return to roast dinner reviewing life at The Hillgate.
There was nothing I particularly loved, maybe bar the carrot, and the only things I loathed were the squash and the poor beer choice. Service was fine, a little too eager to clear plates when one of us was still eating, but otherwise all good. Plus having the vegetarian meant I got a roast under £20.00 again.
Scores on the table for The Hillgate were a 7.45 for the beef, a 7.20 for the pork belly – and I’m going for a respectable enough 7.06.
I’ll be back next week – going somewhere fairly highly rated and please let’s hope I don’t need to order vegetarian again. Slow-cooked meat for the win.

Summary:
The Hillgate, Notting Hill
Station: Notting Hill
Tube Lines: Central, Circle, District
Fare Zone: Zone 1
Price: £19.00
Rating: 7.06
Loved & Loathed
Loved: Not a lot but the carrot was superb
Loathed: Also not a lot, but the squash felt dirty and the beer choice was boring.
Where now, sailor?
Random roast review: Vegan World, Romford
