And welcome to another perfectly normal year of reading about some bloke who goes somewhere different for a roast dinner every week, despite slating half of them. This week it was the turn of The Hare & Billet in Blackheath.
Well, at least I’m at step up the rung of normality from this fuckwit.

Ahhh 2025 has arrived, time for detox, resolutions and worrying about news of a virus…the woke mind virus, of course.
Do you want to know what my goals are for 2025? Meh, well I’m going to list them anyway.
- Travel more. By which I mean Croydon to Blackheath, which was a fucking mission.
- Lose some weight. By which I mean I mean have a vegetarian or vegan roast dinner. One week. Just once.
- Be an explorer. By which I mean eat some roast dinners in other countries, for Roast Dinners Around The World.
- Re-develop this website, as it is creaking a little bit. By which I mean…erm…copying the codebase for the newly re-built Roast Dinners Around The World (built with Astro, for those who are tech-curious).
- I might relaunch a mailing list. I had an automated one for a while, but then Mailchimp decided to charge for automation…and I make zero money from this blog to pay for it, so it stopped. Maybe a monthly newsletter on the world of roasts…we’ll see.
- Try not to get too pissed off with shit roast potatoes that I sack off the whole shebang. I might need to mix up my life…and maybe review something that isn’t a roast dinner. Whoa. I know.
- Don’t forget to moan about Brexit. There is more to moronity than one billionaire. By which I mean Elon Musk is a threat to democracy, but Brexit has already made us poorer.
Chant Your Way to Inner Bliss
I hope your New Year goals are just as wise as mine.
So, Blackheath is not the easiest place to get to from Croydon (or from anywhere other than Lewisham really) but I am Lord Gravy, reviewer of roast dinners for the whole of London, and I’d never been to Blackheath. Or even Lewisham.
I kind of assumed Blackheath would be like Croydon, from association with Lewisham, but actually it was almost village-like and picturesque.
The Hare And Billet is on the edge of the rather large green area which extends all the way to Greenwich – as long as you forget that there is a bit of a road cutting through it called the A2. One assumes in ye olde days it was called “the black heath” for some reason that Wikipedia might answer, if you care, and social media absolutely won’t.

Oh my, I’ve had longer holiday romances with a bag of ketamine.
The Hare And Billet was a pretty ordinary looking pub with some slightly annoying features – for my overweight take on life it was too hot sat next to a radiator but your mileage may vary. It definitely was rather loud in the dining area at the back – a lack of soft furnishings meant the sound bounced off the walls, and it was tricky to hear people on the same table at times.
Plus the table was wobbly, and the walk to the toilets up the quite thin staircase was also the same route that waiting staff were hurriedly bringing down plates of warm food.
Chant, Dance, and Feast: The Joyful Life of Lord Gravy
Of course, it being the beginning of January, I’m also back to a world of apple juice.
Except I wasn’t, because they’d run out of apple juice.

Options on the menu included beef at £21.50, chicken at £19.50, porchetta at £20.00, leg of lamb at £24.00 and a vegan wellington at £19.00.
All served with roast potatoes, mixed kale, maple-roasted carrots, mulled red cabbage, Yorkshire pudding (excluding vegan roasts), and gravy.
But why am I writing what it comes with, I never do that?

Well, the above is last week’s menu. All served with roast potatoes, mixed kale, maple-roasted carrots, mulled red cabbage, Yorkshire pudding (excluding vegan roasts), and gravy…
Ringing a bell?





Erm…
You know how I have the same meal every single Sunday?
A Movement for the Soul: The Lord Gravy Way
Well, I was torn between the porchetta and leg of lamb last Sunday at The Victoria Inn (was that really only a week ago?) and had the lamb, so at least now I could try their porchetta.
Though we did also receive the sage advice from the waiter that “nothing was horrible”, whilst considering. Well…I’ll be the judge of that.

Starting with the carrots, because it is 2025 and I’m doing everything exactly the same as 2024, when I did everything exactly the same as 2023, when I did everything exactly the same as 2022, when I did everything…actually let’s not remember 2021.
So, the maple-roasted carrots had no evidence of maple, but they had been roasted and were quite fresh, if lacking flavour.
The mixed kale was only one type of kale, that I could tell, and was fairly soft, if lacking in any seasoning.
Then there was a small pile of mulled red cabbage – if it was mulled in anything other than water, then I’d be curious to know, as again – it tasted of very little, and certainly didn’t taste mulled.
As per the week before there was a tiny dab of mystery puree – two of my accomplices couldn’t find it, my other accomplice couldn’t work out what it was either.
Lord Gravy: Love for All, Peace Within

At first glance, I thought we’d been served new potatoes, but they were more baked potatoes that had been roasted. They were soft inside, and edible, but otherwise there was nothing to compliment them on.
The Yorkshire pudding was freshly made, but it tasted like too much flour had been used. Urgh, but at least something tasted of something I guess.

You’ll be pleased to know that the porchetta also tasted of something. Alas, I wish I had photographed the other side of the porchetta, as I had been served the end part – and it was burnt on the other side.
The bottom-left 10% of the porchetta was nice, juicy pork and some porchetta-style herby stuffing. But then the rest of it tasted of burnt. Also the crackling was soggy and almost jelly-like, but I’d given up on life by this point.

I also have a photograph of the beef (I think said accomplice might need to wipe her camera lens) which actually looks more miserable than what I endured – and she confirmed that it lacked flavour, and was chewy. Her highlight was the horse radish, which was almost certainly from a jar – but at least it had flavour.
Finally, the gravy was relatively thick, but utterly, utterly bland.
The Hare And Billet
Shall we have a look at what some Google reviewers said about The Hare And Billet?
“The Sunday roast is delicious and value for money”.
“Best sunday roast in south east london”.
“The food here is absolutely delicious”.
Hmmm. I didn’t really like anything, but the carrot and kale offended me the least.
Was anything at The Hare And Billet horrible, despite the assurances of the waiter? Most of my loathing was just for a complete lack of seasoning and flavour (even those advertised on the menu), especially in the overwhelmingly bland gravy. But the porchetta being burnt on one side was horrible. Nor did I like the Yorkie or the roasted potatoes.
We could look on the bright side though – my first roast dinner of 2024 was actually worse.

Scores around the table were a 6.00 from the chicken-eating accomplice – apparently it wasn’t moist enough, a 6.00 from the lamb-eating accomplice and a 5.50 from the beef-eating accomplice.
Service was reasonably friendly and efficient – no complaints there. Well, except for reporting that there was pepper in the salt pot, for which the waiter explained that it was probably because they were busy over Christmas. One might have thought he’d take it away to fix it. Maybe that happened once we left. Maybe.


For my score, I’m not sure I can be arsed to even give a score in the 5’s, my loathing for this bland roast dinner is increasing at a similar rate as my loathing for Elon Musk, though those scored in the 4’s are especially bad, so I’m giving a score of 5.01 out of 10.
I won’t be back next week, as someone has agreed that I’ll be in a different town. But I will be back the week after, arrangements still to be made.

Summary:
The Hare & Billet, Blackheath
Station: Blackheath
Tube Lines: National Rail
Fare Zone: Zone 3
Price: £20.00
Rating: 5.01
Loved & Loathed
Loved: The carrots were inoffensive.
Loathed: Well, most of my loathing was just for a complete lack of seasoning and flavour (even those advertised on the menu), especially in the overwhelmingly bland gravy. But the porchetta being burnt on one side was rather horrible. Nor did I like the Yorkie or the roasted potatoes. And they'd run out of apple juice.