I am… in a world of shit roast dinners, but I am alive. And I am not afraid. Not even of Walthamstow or The Collab.
Lord Gravy. Born to roast.
You want sucky sucky?

Don’t worry, I really cannot be arsed to moan about the MAGA fucks or anyone else morally-retarded this time.
I do want to complain about enforced condiments though.
Guess what condiments Lord Gravy wants on his roast dinner? Aha, gravy. Lord Gravy wants gravy as his condiment. Nothing else. Fine, put it by the side if you so desire – I don’t want to ruin people’s enjoyment of horse radish with their beef, mint sauce with their lamb or pornography with their head of a government department role.

He wants sucky sucky.
Feeding Followers Through Collaboration
Besides, it’s the festive season, we are all forced to be jolly – yay.
I volunteered to run a retrospective meeting at work last week, and insisted upon it being Christmas themed, to which my manager asked why we were doing a Christmas theme in November.
To which I asked if he’d prefer to run the meeting in his preferred theme.

You want sucky sucky.
The meeting remained Christmas-themed.
Anyway – enforced condiments on a roast dinner.

Two whole carrots masticated by enforced horse radish – though I shall be thankful that they didn’t force it onto the beef. But please…this is not a condiment dictatorship.
Serving Up a Collaboration Opportunity
The Collab (there is apparently a dot after Collab but it’s just going to confuse my SEO plug-in) is part of the Signature Brew establishment, one of the really damn fine breweries based in Blackhorse Beer Mile, though The Collab itself is nearer Walthamstow Central.
I remember going in here a couple of years ago, and it was very much a bar – now The Collab is very much a restaurant, but with Signature Brew beers on tap. It’s so much a restaurant that it is table service only.
We were sat in the window with a great view into the centre of the increasingly la-di-da Walthamstow – and, yes, as a citizen of Croydon I am very jealous of gentrification. Gregg’s is classed as chi-chi in Croydon.
The space itself had a very open feel, open kitchen where you could see the bucket of roasties, exposed air conditioning, breeze blocks painted white on the side walls, other walls painted black – or near to. Some fairy lights too…of course.

Options on the menu included lamb shoulder at £24.00, pork belly at £22.00, beef short rib at £25.00 and a vegan wellington at £18.00.
Me so horny, me love short rib long time, 15 dollars. Yep – for the first time since teeth torture in Budapest, I was able to order the beef.
And actually I thought the menu was nicely written, I liked the extra touches “been making this since Wednesday” on the gravy, for example. Or even better for the Yorkshire pudding, “should only be served with beef really but if you are an absolute heathen you can have one”. As if I would ever be described as such.
Craving a Collaboration
This is my roast dinner. There are many like it, but this one is mine. Our roasts took around 15 minutes to arrive – the Yorkshire pudding a bit longer, to the point where we started to question whether it came with one.

Sadly two carrots had to be sacrificed to be a condiment dam, but the other two were reasonable, nothing special, some charring from where they had been roasted.
Tenderstem broccoli was fine, slightly more on the side of soft then crunchy – pretty much where I like it.
Alas, red cabbage wasn’t where I liked it…it was every freaking where, because that’s what tiny bits of shredded red cabbage do – they infect a roast dinner. In of itself, the red cabbage was reasonable, it was on the fruity side and wasn’t offensively overloaded with winter spice or anything.
But you know I’m a racist…when it comes to cabbage.

Yeah white cabbage rules.
I’m a content creator specialising in food and lifestyle, and I’d love to collaborate with you.
We had 4 roast potatoes – clearly the London potato police haven’t been to The Collab yet as 3 is the legal maximum in London (there is no maximum up north, fyi).
These were probably excellent at one point, or close to. They were still quite tasty, if a tad oily – but the outsides were tough by this point. It was probably some hours since they were excellent. C’est la London roastie vie.

The Yorkshire pudding, however, was excellent – one of the better ones on my roast dinner adventures this year. This felt freshly made, was quite eggy – crispy to the top, soft to the bottom.
Even better, was the short rib of beef. Fair to say this was pretty sensational – hearty to taste, so succulent and fell off the bone so easily. A mixture of tender beef, some gooey fat…and, well it was just holy shit glorious. Me love this long time.
My regular accomplice has beef most of the time, said it was one of the best cuts of beef she’s had this year.
And then upgraded to say it was the best.

Our other accomplice had the lamb – which I thought was excellent too from the small bite I had. Yes, I would have been jealous of the short rib, but also I would have been delighted with this.
Finally, the gravy – well, alas it was infected with bits of red cabbage so it tasted rather too sweet for my preferences, though had some consistency to it, underneath the upper more watery later. When drank straight from the jug, it was much more savoury and to my tastes.
Hey! Love what you’re doing at your place—how about a little collab? I’d happily swing by, snap some pics, and shout you out to my 21 followers, none of whom live in the same country, and are possibly all bots. Let me know if you’re keen!
Oh, and we had beer. I ordered the Haze Machine which was a respectable hazy IPA with a slight twist – certainly much preferable to some of the so-called craft beer by the likes of Beavertown and Camden Hells that I’ve had to cope with.
Service was pleasant at The Collab – one guy there, seemed French, was particularly affable and clearly knew how to build a short-term relationship with a customer.
Overall it was a decent afternoon out, much of the roast dinner was pretty unremarkable, but the beef short rib was sensational – the yorkie too.
Alas the red cabbage did infect things, the enforced condiment is annoying and the roast potatoes were definitely rather cooked earlier, if not especially criminally so.
Scores around the table were quite varied, the accomplice with the lamb scored it a 6.80, my regular accomplice an 8.00. I’m pretty much in the middle and my score is a 7.27 out of 10.
I’ll be back next week…if I survive my team Christmas do.

Actually this coming weekend I’m going to Somerset for an outdoor party…in December. So I’ll be back the week after, assuming I survive telling some farmers that, yes, James Dyson should pay inheritance tax on the land he has bought to avoid inheritance tax.
Me love you long time. Yes I did watch Full Metal Jacket Potato at the weekend.
Summary:
The Collab, Walthamstow
Station: Walthamstow Central
Tube Lines: Victoria
Fare Zone: Zone 3
Price: £25.00
Rating: 7.27
Loved & Loathed
Loved: The beef short rib was sensational - the yorkie top notch too. Plus you get Signature Brew beers, instead of all the chain pub nonsense.
Loathed: The red cabbage did infect things, the enforced condiment is annoying and the roast potatoes were definitely rather cooked earlier, if not especially criminally so.
Where now, sailor?
Random roast review: The Albany, Twickenham
