Oslo, Hackney

Skip The Nonsense

E’s are good, e’s are good, wahey, but is the gravy good? That was the question in my head on the way to Oslo in Hackney – a venue more known for being a nightclub than a restaurant. Can I finish?

I’ve been to a few nightclubs in my life…let’s finish this story right here.

This is my favourite DJ, by the way:

Bad choice of t-shirt, for sure.

Oslo was a random number generator selection, somewhere that I didn’t know much about – I was just hoping that it would be a little more inspiring than the choices we have for the coming election on Thursday.

I mean (warning – serious shit coming) what have we done to deserve this choice that has been thrust upon us? Great Britain has been a perfectly behaved country with wonderful, intelligent, inspiring, kind, peace-loving individuals throughout history.

Great Britain

We’ve transformed the world, helped developing countries export their goods, helped split geographical areas into proper countries like in the Middle East, helped African people emigrate to America and just generally spread the fortune and wonderful values of the British Empire across much of the world. And don’t forget the war. Absolutely do not forget the second world war, which we single-handedly won. Iraq too – imagine how fucked up that place would be without our various military assistances over the years.

And this is how karma repays us? With a choice between a lying, tinpot commie and a filthy, lying toerag?

What have we done to deserve this?

Oh Tony Blair, come back and save us. Why can’t we go back to being a normal country and fuck up other countries instead?

You’re fucking bored of the erection too, aren’t you?

Menu?

On the menu was beef sirloin, turkey breast and chicken, all priced between £14.50 and £17.50.

Given that I hadn’t chosen, or possibly even had the option to choose a turkey roast dinner since my first ever Roast Dinners in London review, I decided to go for it. Alas – turkey came with new potatoes. Give with one hand, tax with the other but only billionaires will pay any more, honest.

And I know turkey can be a bit dry sometimes – but I’m all for a bit of novelty. And you know, Christmas and shit.

Say No To New Potatoes. Again.

Well I’m for novelty except for the novelty of roasted new potatoes, which better not be start of a new trend. Thankfully Oslo were willing to swap them for roasties and yes I do use the word roasties. Fuck – Corbyn did say he’d be Prime Minister by Christmas didn’t he?

I haven’t really talked much about the election, have I? Oslo inhabits one of those wonderful brick buildings adjoining the main railways of London – this time just next to Hackney VOTE TORY Central station. CAN I FINISH?

I liked the feel of the place fairly immediately – bar on the left as you walk in, a plethora of tables on the right – all feeling modern and spacious in a large brick room. Going upstairs to the toilets felt a little more shabby – like you are on your way to a grubby nightclub. I have no idea whether the nightclub actually is grubby, but the stairs to the toilets do also lead to the nightclub. I’ve been to a few nightclubs in…oh yeah, my Dad reads this.

Dinner took around 20 or so minutes to arrive – of course, I had to ask for more gravy. Also a pint of Neck Oil for £5 – pretty good going that.

The red cabbage was red cabbagey – nicely done if you like that kind of thing, but I don’t. The fruity flavour had been brought out well, and there wasn’t too much gravy pollution. Two bites on the side would have done for me. Can I finish?

Then there was some swede mash – it was a little lumpy, though I’m fine with that – overall quite soft though fairly weak on flavour.

Veg at Oslo, Hackney

Tenderstem broccoli always goes down well, and this had the perfect balance between being a little crunchy but also being edible with bad teeth.

The parsnip was pretty good too, a little crispier on the outside would have been nice, but we are bang into parsnip season and this was fairly banging.

Yes – there were carrots too, though purple carrots – which at first I thought they had just horrifically burnt normal carrots. Purple carrots tend to have a sweeter taste – these did, and were nice.

So far, so mostly good. Though I guess it is time to accept that I am now at the age where I get more elections than erections.

Only two roast potatoes were supplied (I saw other plates with three), however they weren’t much to miss. Not crispy on the outside, and dry on the inside. I’ve had far worse – they just hadn’t finished roasting. Can I finish…roasting?

The Yorkshire pudding was pretty good – nicely soft where it had been in touch with its gravy side, though too crispy on the edges. Overall a positive, for sure.

Shock horror – the turkey was dry. Turkey often is and I knew that before ordered – this was 3 slices of decent enough meat, just a bit dry. Not bad enough to complain about – but not good enough to make me excited about the 25th of December. Though my beef-cremating mother actually gets the turkey pretty spot on at Christmas. And I do need some new socks.

Winning Here

Star of the show was the stuffing ball – large and proper – none of this “oooh I’m a wannabe twat so I’ll put apricot in stuffing”. SAGE. THYME. For that is stuffing. Always good to get a proper stuffing, lets hope Corbyn does too – oops down to 11 followers.

Oslo hadn’t promised “proper gravy” like some other twattholes that I’d visited recently, however it actually was proper gravy. Can I finish? Gloopy, slightly creamy – but overly proper gravy. Why can I not have this every week?

The menu had also suggested that turkey came with bacon and cabbage – perhaps I sacrificed this when I swapped my new potatoes for roast potatoes. If so, that was quite an error of judgement. Or maybe you don’t get everything in a manifesto.

Hung Parliament?

So, a pretty good roast this time – for the last few I’ve had more to complain about than rejoice about – this time it was the other way around.

There were shortfalls – the roasties were meh and the turkey was a little dry (the chicken too according to my accomplice). Stuffing and gravy were proper treats though, with solid vegetable offerings.

Service was decent enough, though I had to chase both my extra gravy, and my beer.

I’m scoring it a 7.69 – which was pretty much the score of my accomplice – I think she said 7.8. Definitely worth a try if you are in the area.

Next Sunday I am going somewhere which has been a total pain in the arse so far. It better be worth it, as I already have something to moan about – and I’m not talking an election result. Though if Corbyn wins, I’m going to have to find another country that does Sunday roasts.

Get Brexit Done
Can I finish?
Get Brexit Done
Can I finish?
Get Brexit Done
Can I finish?
Get Brexit Done
Can I finish?
Get Brexit Done
Can I finish?
Get Brexit Done
Can I finish?
Get Brexit Done
Can I finish?
Get Brexit Done
Can I finish?
Get Brexit Done
Can I finish?
Get Brexit Done
Can I finish?
Weapons Of Mass Destruction
Get Brexit Done
Can I finish?
Get Brexit Done
Can I finish?
Get Brexit Done
Can I finish?

Bangers in Berlin? Tapas Or Crapas Madrid? Sex Pest Goulash Budapest? Suggestions welcomed on where I can escape to with my billions and what I can blog about.