Kix Bar & Kitchen, East Dulwich

Skip The Nonsense

From East Croydon to East Dulwich, this time I sauntered into the proper luvvie land of East Dulwich, with a roast dinner at Kix Bar & Kitchen.

You know when you go somewhere and you realise that you’d rather live there? That happened to me as I wandered along Lordship Lane in East Dulwich, admiring the tree-lined neighbourhoods, wishing I lived there instead of Croydon.

Maybe it’s the sunshine – hell even Croydon can look alright in the sunshine…well I quite like Croydon anyway. But I do wish that I had the money to have a proper bougie lifestyle in East Dulwich.

That said – I’d never had a good roast dinner in East Dulwich. Granted I’d only had two – The Herne Tavern and the truly abominable East Dulwich Tavern…I think perhaps 10 years ago, pre-rdldn, I had one in The Bishop which was bang average. For all its chi-chi charms, cuddly dogs and swamped village vibes, my limited research had East Dulwich down as one of those London areas where presentation far suffices content.

As you’ve likely noticed from the cover image, Kix Bar & Kitchen haven’t quite sussed out the presentation.

Get Your Kix For Free

It’s been a week cursed by dictators. The dictator with a tiny cock in Moscow still feels like terrorising citizens of a completely different country that he should get the fuck out of.

Not quite as serious, but the owner of my football club has decided to sack our manager for finishing 7th in the league, with one of the smallest wage budgets in the league, having escaped relegation the season before, a manager who the fans mostly loved and are attached to, a manager who’s nan is from Hull, and who most the players really appreciated. Apparently we don’t play attacking enough football and the owner would rather lose 3-2 than draw 0-0. OK…your money dude. Well, probably our club’s money that will need to be paid back to him when he’s bored of his toy.

And then we have CEOs increasingly banging on about everyone being back in the office, for example Boots where the CEO says that the office is a “much more fun and inspiring place” with everyone in attendance.”.

“We really value the team spirit that comes with being together in person”.

I VALUE PEACE AND QUIET SO I CAN GET MY FUCKING JOB DONE.

I grant you that I don’t hate my enforced one day a week in the office that I keep being reminded I have committed to (I have been committed to it, more like) and must do it otherwise there will be collective punishment of the likes of the CCCP…expecting a hotline to grass up working from home colleagues to be announced any day soon.

You’ll get your kix on Route 66

Sigh, but at least we still we all got lots of joy from Eurovision, the wonderful entry from Israel…ohhh, erm…how about the fact that a man in a skirt…ohhh, erm…how about the fact a non-binary person won…ohhh.

Well, at least Eurovision upset all of the woke levels this time.

Ahhh shit I’m going to be boycotted by my 8 readers now because I’ve featured an image of a previous Eurovision winner from Israel.

But if every can maybe start boycotting companies that force a 5 day a week return to the office, I’m sure that will make all the difference in the fight for sanity in this world, just as much as boycotting Eurovision will finally persuade Netanyahu (not a dictator but will hopefully be in jail in due course, at least for corruption) to withdraw from Gaza, stop bombing it and allowing the citizens some dignity (at least what is possible when your land is run by a terrorist organisation).

Maybe I should talk about the roast.

Come on, we got to kix that gangster shit

To be fair my opening gambit did talk about roast dinners. Anyway, I was sat in the garden of Kix Bar & Kitchen, and I couldn’t help feeling that I was in the garden of a terraced house in south London. It was a little sun trap sat in the back…and I was close to calling it quits and heading for the shaded front outdoor area. But I persisted – I always feel I should take advantage of our brief moments of outdoor eating potential, before the dictatorship of wasps conquers outdoors once more.

Inside was more dimly-lit, and reminded me more of a cocktail bar – Kix Bar & Kitchen styles itself as a Mexican and East Asian fusion, whatever that is, but then does a Sunday roast (joy!), albeit with no Mexican or East Asian fusion to it.

It does indeed have a large cocktail list – I just had a Lordship Lager, for I am Lord Gravy.

Options on the menu were beef sirloin at £22.00 and jerk chicken at £21.00 – not convinced that jerk chicken is either Mexican or East Asian, so maybe the restaurant is actually Mexican, Jamaican, Yorkshire and East Asian fusion.

I’m not yet won over by the alleged delights of jerk (I feel eventually this will happen), so I went for the beef sirloin. For vegans, there was also a jackfruit and kidney ale pie, at £18.00. Not for me.

My roast took around 15 minutes to arrive:

Confirm that not everywhere in East Dulwich prioritises presentation.

What the fuck is that

— Noonan (@Noons88) May 12, 2024

Indeed. But it was better than it looks. Tell me more. OK, I will. I just need to think of a heading for the next section. A song with the word, “kicks” in it, that I am cleverly shortening to “kix” because I’m so relevant. And funny. And clever. And cool. And boycotted.

I Get A Kix Out Of You

Shall we start with the sludge?

I can only describe this as a big pile of yellow sludge. The volume, the colour and the presentation were all garish – yet the flavour was not so, in fact a rather mild and slightly creamy puree of swede and carrot. Quite how it made it to quite that colour, I’ve no idea. It was inoffensive to eat, but objectively offensive in being.

We (me) had a few sticks of tenderstem, soft enough but with a bite, charred on the outside – I liked them.

You cannot see it very well, but there was also an ever-lasting pile of red cabbage, sat underneath the frisbee which had landed on top of my dinner. Again, far too much of it, soft in texture, mild in flavour – none of that winter spice crap that some pubs insist on, though there was a sweet tang to it.

The roast potatoes were good – freshly made, some crispy sides, quite soft in the middle – another 10 minutes in the oven and they would have been banging roasties.

I was advised that the food was delayed due to the chef waiting for the Yorkshire pudding to be ready. I think he/she needed to wait a bit longer for it was as flat as a Rishi Sunak speech in a library, though at least it was actually freshly cooked – miracle. Otherwise it was a bit too soft really…the texture just wasn’t quite right. Decent effort and better than many of the burnt, dried-out ones I get elsewhere. Are we good for boycotting companies enforcing their office staff to go back 4-5 times a week?

I’ve had better sirloin, but then again I went out for dinner the night before, and two accomplices had ordered a rare T-bone steak to share that turned up well done – so I should perhaps be happy for small mercies. This was OK sirloin, I’m not sure that the quality of beef was the best (nor the worst), the fat needed rendering more – yet it was a generous portion (most is hidden by the representation of “planet” Earth on top of it).

Finally, the gravy was reasonable if a slightly unusual flavour – more sweet, along the lines of balsamic vinegar and mustard, but also had a fair consistency to it. I’d prefer a meat-stock gravy, but I quite liked it.

Kix Bar & Kitchen

Kix Bar & Kitchen is the kind of independent venue that I dearly wish I could write a raving review of, and demand that everyone across south London makes a pilgrimage.

What I can offer in terms of positives is that the roast potatoes were good, the portion was generous, the service staff were super warm and welcoming, the garden is a little sun trap, the cocktail list is interesting, the vibe is cool and the Monday to Saturday menu looks interesting.

But damn they have to improve their presentation. Nothing else was really badly wrong – too much sludge and red cabbage for my tastes, the yorkie failed to rise but haven’t we all had those issues? The beef sirloin could have been better but it was, as my mother describes everything (except Sadiq Khan), “fine”.

Whilst it isn’t a stand-out roast, and nobody from north London is going to read this and book a table – it is still the best roast dinner I’ve had in East Dulwich, and I’d happy come back here another time for the Monkfish tacos, for example. If you are in the area, its definitely worth a visit…I’m certainly not aware of anywhere doing a better roast in East Dulwich.

My score is a respectable 7.14 out of 10.

I’ll be back next week. Somewhere stunning…though with prices to match. I’ll leave you with the delights of Nana Banana…if you dare.

I accept and understand your boycott.