Stopped Doing Roasts

Fed & Watered, Acton

Please note that this review is from December 8, 2021 and may be out of date...restaurants sometimes get better, get worse, employ a new chef or end up with new management.

Don’t you just love an opportunity? This week, I had the opportunity to visit Acton and to have a roast dinner at neighbourhood restaurant, Fed & Watered.

Yeah, don’t I get all the cool opportunities – last week Hounslow, this week Acton.

Yet Churchfield Road in Acton is bougie delight, some seriously gorgeous pubs and restaurants with the cutest fluffy dogs, all the pretty little cafes with strange names that you could ever want, a vastly over-priced barbers with DJ decks, a craft beer shop and possibly London’s only level crossing.

It screams, “WHY THE HELL DO YOU LIVE IN HARROW, LORD GRAVY?”. Yet Harrow was an opportunity once.

Speaking of opportunities, or the land of #HospitalityHaveHadAShit18MonthsSoI’mGoingToGiveThemTheOpportunityToGiveMeAFreeMealThatICanPromoteToMy300Followers otherwise known as Instagrim, I had a message pop up the other day:

Hey! could you please send @Wore a message when you see this, we want to offer you a collaboration! If you are interested send our main account a message they will go through the details with you ?❤️

Fed & Clothed

Well, I was intrigued and sent them a message back straight away, such was my excitement at this opportunity. Well, a few weeks later anyway, which is kind of straight away in my life right now.

Dear Sir/Madam

One of your representatives (perhaps allegedly?) kindly offered that I should contact you if I was interested in a collaboration.

Now, I can see a few logistical issues.

Firstly I am a roast dinner reviewing account. As far as I can see, you do not sell roast dinners.

Maybe you are hoping that I would pose in your clothing whilst eating a roast dinner.

Small problem or two there. Firstly I’m anonymous, so not sure how we’d get around that. Also I’m nowhere near as thin as your models. Nowhere near. Probably because I review roast dinners.

Also I’m quite manly. Not the manliest person ever but I do have a willy and stuff. Granted I see your Clio Bodysuit has guns on it so maybe that would make me look more manly?

Anyway, I don’t think I’m best suited for your marketing efforts, unless your marketing bods have any moments of genius.

All the best
Lord Gravy

Girl wearing bodysuit with gun logos.

I would look quite manly in that, right? Check out those manly gun symbols. Yeah. Manly.

To my surprise I received a response within minutes – they are clearly excited to have me on board.

Hey! Thanks for getting back to us so quickly?

So we are just launching our influencer campaign and really want you involved, you would get free monthly packages (3 items of your choice per month), your own exclusive discount code to share, shoutouts and reposts to our Instagram and website.

We will be sending you out free PR packages every month, this means you will get to show off our newest items completely free with no catch! in return just tag us with the clothing either wearing them or just showing off the package! You will also be getting 30% commission paid via bank transfer every time your discount code Is used.

Fed But Not Stupid

Wow, doesn’t this sound like a great opportunity?

For our collaboration to begin you would only need to place an order on our website!

Oh. No emoji for this part either.

Here is a discount code to use to help get started COLLAB this gives 30% off, you will only need to pay for your first order we only ask this is placed so we know you are interested in working with us! Dont worry there is no minimum spend you can just order one item if you’d like!

I was perusing their website to decide what to wear for the next roast dinner. Maybe this leopard print bodysuit would suit me? Only £34.00.

Girl with doll face in leopard print bodysuit

Then again, maybe I need something a bit warmer with it being December (and quite possibly it still being cold when it arrives 3 months later from China)? Would be quite nice to have something to keep my nipples warm…I could still wear a t-shirt underneath or something. Plus it’s only £45.00.

Girl in fluffy bra/skirt combo

If you can send the order number asap we can get you added to our monthly package list for next month, can’t wait to start our collaboration! Any questions Chloe will be ready to help! Link to our website is in our bio ✌?❤️

Hmm, bit keen. Then in a few more minutes, just 10 minutes from when I sent my message:

Heya, hope you haven’t forgot about us! We only have a few spaces left on the team and wanted to let you know before they fill up!

If you are interested here’s a code for 40% off to help you decide if you want to start this collaboration. We are just preparing free monthly packages for our team for next month so if you order today you will be able to get free packages pretty quickly!☺️

Fed & Desperate

I guess it is time to talk roast dinners – which is the only opportunity in the world I really need. Unless an attractive Spanish woman manages to make it through immigration at some point.

Fed & Watered is a cute restaurant on Churchfield Road in Acton. It is quite small, maybe 30-40 covers I’d guess, it had a pastel green and pastel pink influence with some stand-out bright paintings on the wall, and some gorgeous dark green chairs.

Fed & Watered, Acton, gorgeous chairs
© Copyright – Roast Dinners In London 2021

I stole the photograph from the internet (I did this in the past so it isn’t illegal) – but I just loved these chairs.

Anyway, we had the warmest welcome of anywhere in ages – the guy who I assume is the owner was willing to spend a few minutes enthusing about his restaurant and the menu – and also the mural outside that we promised to look at when we left and promptly went the other way without looking.

Fed & Watered, Acton, Sunday Roast menu
© Copyright – Roast Dinners In London 2021

Yes, you might notice that I’m paying £25.00 for a roast dinner and I’m in zone 3. You may also notice that there is only one option – pork belly, with pork belly croquette.

This I was explained was so that they could concentrate on doing one thing really well, and reduce the amount of wastage. Each week is a different meat – the coming week is turkey.

Fed & With Expectations

You could say this raised my expectations even more than the idea that Michael Gove will now have his passport taken off him next time he gets caught doing cocaine. Oh that isn’t going to happen, is it?

Anyway, I chose the tiny bit of boob dress:

Girl in ugly orange dress showing the bottom part of her boobs.

Well, you already know I chose the pork belly.

Fed & Watered, Acton, Roast Dinner
© Copyright – Roast Dinners In London 2021

Yes, I know, everything is the same colour. Except the outer leaf of the hispi cabbage which still has a hint of green. Said cabbage was good, soft enough to slice and chew, charred on the edge with an intriguing French dressing – normally I’m anti any other condiment on a roast other than gravy, but this did work – and it wasn’t like we had too much gravy.

One assumes the owner couldn’t procure any yellow carrots – orange ones obviously wouldn’t fit the theme, so for possibly the 3rd time out of 186 roast dinners I have no need to find yet another way to write about carrots. Except I just have done.

The parsnips were pretty good. Crispy, nutty with a hint of thyme (I think).

And I liked the cauliflower puree, which was quite smoky. Yeah – different flavours on different vegetables.

Fed & Being Fed

Hmmm, what next. Let’s talk about the roasties which were actually pretty decent. They won’t win any awards, but they were a damn sight better than most of London’s roast potatoes – one had a crispy edge, they were quite soft and actually freshly made, or reasonably freshly.

The Yorkshire pudding was thankfully small (I’m guessing the owner doesn’t know how Instagrim works – halleluiah), it was also soft and fluffy – you know, how Yorkshire puddings should be. Yeah, I’m rating this roast dinner. So far.

Just think, if I lose a bit more weight I could pull this look off in 2022:

How MANLY is that? Granted I’d probably need to go a whole year without roast dinners and without booze to get that slim, and also start doing a lot of fucking drugs, but then I’ll lose my passport because I don’t live in a Tory-voting area and people who don’t live in Tory-voting areas are bad people if they take drugs.

Speaking of manly, let’s talk balls. The pork roast came with a pork belly croquette which was divine – the highlight of the roast. Soft, tender pork belly inside a perfectly crisp croquette.

And the vegetarian came with a blue cheese kataifi (yeah one of them) which apparently was also excellent. I actually have a photograph of the vegetarian – the kataifi is the thing with pubic hair.

Fed & Watered, Acton, Vegetarian Sunday Roast
© Copyright – Roast Dinners In London 2021

The pork belly itself was good – fairly small in portion but one should also remember the croquette. It was quite delicate and full of flavour – it seemed like it had been cooked in apple. A downside is that I only had the meat of the pork belly – no fat or crackling. But what I had was good.

Finally…let’s just share the meat roast again.

Fed & Watered, Acton, Sunday Roast
© Copyright – Roast Dinners In London 2021

Right, finally Boris Johnson is a cunt. Oh and the gravy was rich. Not a huge amount of it but it was so rich that even I as a Yorkshireman wouldn’t want my plate flooded with it.

A red wine flavour, quite oily – not really my kind of gravy but it was good, and suited the roast. We aren’t going to vote for that fucking moron again are we?

I can only assume people vote for such a lying bastard of a scruffbag to make themselves feel better. “Shurrup, Mavis, if the Prime Minister is a scruffbag then I can go t’ Tesco in me pants and me gun logo bodysuit”.

Hobocop (Boris Johnson as a scruffy cunt)
Fair use


Fed & Summarising

The temptation to take the opportunity offered to go on a rant about Boris Johnson is strong right now, but let’s focus on what was a good roast dinner.

There was nothing bad. Sure, £25 is a lot to pay in central London – let alone in Acton, the roast potatoes could have been crispier and a bit more phone reception would have been useful as I was on call.

Everything else was good or very good – though the only thing that really stood out as great was the pork belly croquette – I could merrily have a whole dish of those.

Service was good, the welcome was exceptionally good. The venue looks nice and the chairs I am in love with.

There’s a lot to like about Fed & Watered. I’m scoring it an 8.07 out of 10 – the first roast to score above an 8 since going to The Blue Boar back in August.

Other scores on our table were an 8, another 8 and an 8.30. Nice to finally have a roast that I can recommend to you all!

I’ll be back next week, assuming there are no covid restrictions a ha ha ha ha as if anyone will take any fucking notice now. We are going to see Boris Johnson’s photocopied arse from the party now, aren’t we?

Anyway, it might be the best roast of the year coming up. It also might be a disappointment. And I’ve booked the Monday off – yeah it’s one of those events. Gonna need something manly to wear too…

Pink heels which are apparently men's boots at ASOS.
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Fed & Watered, Acton

Station: Acton Central

Tube Lines: Overground

Fare Zone: Zone 3

Price: £25.00

Rating: 8.07

Stopped Doing Roasts

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Stopped Doing Roasts


Loved & Loathed

Loved: A warm welcome, gorgeous chairs - even better pork belly croquette.

Loathed: Nothing really, everything was good. Perhaps a bit pricey for zone 3.

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