Please note that due to Copyright Trolls, all images have been removed until I can manually review them, one by one, and ensure credit is appropriately displayed. So if the story suddenly makes no sense, then...well...soz.
This is a long process, so please bear with me...it will likely take until the end of 2024 until all images are reviewed and displayed correctly. Sigh.
It’s cold, I’m cold, I’ve got a cold, my boiler has broken, I smell, I have no friends and I really cannot be arsed with life. Maybe AI can write me a joke to start us off? Why did Adam and Eve never have a band? Because they were too busy getting kicked out of the Garden of Eden!
Hmmm, not the best start but maybe it can write my CBA ass a review of Adam And Eve on Oxford Street?
I’m sorry, but I am unable to write a review of the Adam and Eve pub on Oxford Street as I am a large language model trained by OpenAI and do not have the ability to visit physical locations or gather personal experiences.
Hmmm. Maybe I need to be a little less specific and remove the pub name?
I’m sorry, but I am unable to write a review of a specific pub on Oxford Street as I do not have access to personal experiences or information about specific establishments. Roast dinners are a traditional British meal that typically includes roast meat (such as beef, lamb, or chicken), roast potatoes, vegetables (such as carrots, peas, and Brussels sprouts), and gravy. Roast dinners are often served in pubs and are a popular choice among diners in the UK. It is important to note that roast dinners can vary in quality and ingredients depending on the establishment and chef, so it is always a good idea to read reviews and ask about the menu before making a decision on where to dine.
Yes! It is always a good idea to read reviews, isn’t it? AI, you are forgiven.
Using artificial intelligence (AI) to write content can be seen as boring and unoriginal because it lacks the personal touch and creativity that comes with human writing. AI algorithms are designed to produce content that is based on patterns and trends that it has learned from existing data, rather than coming up with new and original ideas. As a result, the content produced by AI may lack the depth and uniqueness of content that is written by humans. Additionally, the widespread use of AI to generate content has led to a saturation of similar-sounding or formulaic content on the internet, which can be monotonous and unengaging for readers. While AI has the potential to assist with certain aspects of content creation, it is important to recognize the value of human creativity and to incorporate a human perspective into content creation efforts.
Fine. I’ll write it myself. Oooh does that mean I’m new and original?
Bond, James Bond
So mostly I enjoy this wonderful opportunity that is life (too much sometimes) but this Sunday gone I wasn’t having any of it. Entering my 3rd day without hot water and heating in the coldest December since the coldest December ever, I could only assume was Putin’s revenge for me calling him a bastard on the internet multiple times over the years.
Fucking terrorist bastard.
Maybe it’s also a bit of pre-Christmas fuck you ness also – last Christmas, I had Covid, and the very next day, I gave it to nobody because I was self-isolating. This year, I just have a cold, but the boiler is fucking knackered. Yeah Boy George, use those lyrics when you get desperate enough for a big money re-write.
So I only had the motivation/energy for central London. I wanted to be near an M&S so I could buy some Hot Cross buns (fuck you Santa). And most importantly, I wanted a bang average roast dinner. I wanted something to moan about. Nothing disgusting, but just a couple of boxes ticked like undercooked roasties and watery gravy.
There was only one thing for it. Young’s pubs website – “find your perfect local pub”. Adam And Eve on Oxford Street was going to be perfect for my mission, should I be arsed to accept. Gravy. Lord, Gravy.
And check this for a Brucey bonus – the time I visited Adam And Eve was last drinks before lockdown (not sure which one). Ahhh the memories. I was so joyful this Sunday that I went to a pub that reminded me of lockdown.
Headings, Shit Headings
I was kind of hoping for the Metropolitan line to be delayed so I could moan about that too, but no, it was running normally. However I did get the joy of someone allowing me to listen to both sides of his conversation on his telephone, who had also blocked the doors with his bike.
Adam And Eve is one of those identikit Young’s pubs that have proliferated around London, though more often away from the centre, situated just off Oxford Street – and just a couple of minutes walk from the main M&S.
It’s pleasant enough inside – I’ve stumbled into plenty of grim pubs/bars near Oxford Street over the years, and Adam And Eve only really offends with its corporate blandness. At least the toilets are clean – unlike some establishments I’ve seen nearby.
You can probably guess the beer list – Neck Oil and Gamma Ray. They did however also have a Hepcat by Gipsy Hill on draught, but I’m bored of that also – so I had a Gamma Ray. Last Sunday roast before Dry January and I’m drinking a Gamma Ray. Sigh. It actually tasted alright though, had a bit of a bite to it – like it used to prior to being mass-manufactured and full of chemicals.
On the menu was chicken, beef or turkey – beef at £22, chicken and turkey at £19. Yay, under £20 roasts again.
I went for the turkey because…well…because Christmas.
Christmas, Fucking Christmas
My roast dinner took around two sips of Gamma Ray to arrive, and I was immediately thinking mission accomplished. All I needed was a troupe of Las Vegas showgirls to walk past and all my desires for the day were met.
Including tube fare, this experience came to £32.80. And yes, this was how it was presented to me.
I guess the carrots were actually alright – but pretty much the only place that has fucked up carrots this year was when I had a vegan roast. Roasted, soft without much in the way of flavour – you could call them corporately inoffensive.
The parsnips…I’ve just realised that it is probably presented like the above photograph to hide much of it.
New photograph – let’s see the whole glory:
The parsnips looked like the most anaemic under-cooked parsnips ever, but were actually one press of a fork away from being mashed parsnip. They had some flavour but were clearly missing the crunch of a properly roasted parsnips – but were at least preferable to under-cooked parsnips.
Then we had something that on first sight looked like a vegetarian’s vomit yet on first taste tasted like sage and onion stuffing. It wasn’t stuffing (sadly), more a crushed vegetable medley – some swede, some onion, perhaps the hint of sage came from the herbs.
Humbug, Bah Humbug
Somehow the sprouts were not only unusually dark green, but unusually flavourless. Maybe that counts as a good thing in your book, but I don’t think I’ve ever had such bland sprouts. Corporately bland sprouts, you could say. They were a little chewy too.
4 tiny roast potatoes were supplied, and surprisingly for a Young’s didn’t satisfy my desire for a moan, though I’m not exactly short of moan potential elsewhere on the plate. Crispy sides and soft inside (what potato there was anyway), though nowhere near perfect were a minor moment of relative joy.
I suspect the turkey was re-aligned from under-sold Christmas dinners because FIFA thought it was a great idea to have a World Cup during Christmas Party season. Christmas. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was juicy but fairly bland – such as turkey normally is. Quite why it has this monopoly over Christmas dinner is beyond me. Google tells me it is to do with Henry VIII. Oh well that’s fine, let’s have society as he wished.
Then out of the Christmas cracker, I managed to pull a cylindrical disc. I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it, but it appeared to be an attempt at a Yorkshire pudding, so I ate it. I’ve made flat Yorkshire puddings before and they’ve been pleasant enough to eat – but this wasn’t. Quite tough and almost like hardened sponge on the bottom. I did consider attempting to use it as a frisbee towards the other guy in this rather empty pub eating by himself.
Finally, the watery gravy – yep, I got what I desired. Not only that, but it also came with a covering of oil on top. And it was verging on the green side. How? Was this from the previously frozen sprouts? It didn’t taste of much, perhaps this was a blessing, but I could definitely make out the taste of oil.
Eve, Adam And Eve
Well. A bit like Salt Bae, I came, I saw and I conquered.
Congratulations must go to Salt Bae for not only winning the World Cup, but also for persuading thousands of dumb morons to pay ludicrous amounts for a sprinkling of salt. Almost as impressive as Young’s persuading thousands of people to pay £19.00 for such poor roast dinners.
Let’s not pretend that there was no joy at Adam And Eve – for the toilets were clean, and my stay was mercifully short. Also, the teeny tiny roast potatoes were actually crispy.
Nothing was as disgusting as it may look – the vegetables and turkey were edible – if more a celebration of corporate blandness. The watery/oily gravy was dire yet mercifully tasteless, the yorkie a fair abomination and the sprouts could not have been more devoid of flavour.
I’m scoring it a 5.90 out of 10.
I guess being situated off Oxford Street means that they won’t need to worry too much about sufficient customers in the coming months, even with nobheads like me doing Dry January. And Dry February. and mostly Dry March.
Remember – it is important to note that roast dinners can vary in quality and ingredients depending on the establishment and chef, so it is always a good idea to read reviews and ask about the menu before making a decision on where to dine. Do choose carefully.
At least my mother’s Christmas dinner will compare well this year. Though possible that I won’t get any given that I sent a beer order to their house, addressed to The Beer Police.
See you in 2023. Merry fucking Christmas.
Adam And Eve, Oxford Street
Station: Oxford Circus
Tube Lines: Bakerloo, Central, Victoria
Fare Zone: Zone 1
Loved & Loathed
Loved: The food came quickly so I could leave quickly. The teeny tiny roast potatoes were actually crispy.
Loathed: Oily, watery gravy, sprouts so tasteless, a pile of vegetarian's vomit and just a general blandness. Oh and that yorkie...wtf?