Business Proposal: Smirnoff Sponsorship

When I started this blog, I was unemployed so couldn’t afford roast dinners that often (fucking Tories and their benefit cuts).

So I came up with a bright idea to write to companies that like doing cool shit, and proposing that they sponsor my blog.

******

Dear Smirnoff

I have long been a fan of yours since childhood. I remember the excitement when it first became available in Hull, and all of a sudden men were finally socially allowed to drink vodka (albeit only after 10 beers). And most bars never served Smirnoff anyway – Chekov if you were lucky.

Then I moved down south and it was a revelation – vodka and red bull was THE drink. And it was even acceptable to drink it as your first drink – as long as you had some kind of really cool story to tell the next day about falling over 11 times and falling asleep in some random shed. I used to be soooo cool that every story I had started with “I got hammered on vodka…”.

Yeah I was the man.

Not only that, but down south a vodka and orange actually consisted of orange juice – in Hull in the late 90’s it consisted of one shot of vodka and one shot of orange cordial. Just the cordial – no water.

Anyway, I’ve fallen on hard times recently and have had to resort to drinking Tesco vodka. Plus I’m trying to drink less – I don’t want to be cool any more. I have a shit 80’s hairdo FFS.

I was wondering if you wanted to sponsor my Roast Dinners in London blog. It could help you reclaim your stature as number 1 popular vodka drink from those Putin-stooges, Russian Standard. I like to think that I have a similarly edgy brand, appealing to young pub-goers who might want a fine shot of vodka with their roast dinner. Why, maybe we could try to make vodka-infused gravy together?

Or you could simply call it a thank you for reporting a local shop owner to Trading Standards, after drinking some Smirnoff a while back that smelt like petrol. And made me ill. He no longer has a license to sell alcohol.

Either way, I think we would be better together than Chekov and orange cordial.

I look forward to hearing from you – my blog is at https://rdldn.co.uk/

Kind regards

Lord Gravy

******

Hi, thanks for getting in touch. Unfortunately we’re not offering any sponsorship right now, but keep in touch, we’re always looking for cool partnerships in the future. Cheers, Smirnoff

******

I soon reverted from dosser to tosser and haven’t required sponsorship – this was my only attempt at gaining a business relationship. Though if you can think of a company that might be amused to receive such a request – do let me know.

Liked it? Take a second to support Lord Gravy on Patreon!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Lord Gravy, how can I thank you?

Maybe I've made you laugh, hopefully I've helped you find somewhere awesome to go for a roast dinner. Maybe you just pity me.

If you want to say thank you to me, you can follow me, e-mail me or just plain old send me some dosh.

Follow my ramblings on Twitter

Follow me on The Insta

Follow me on Facebook

Share on Facebook

Share on Twitter

Subscribe to Blog via Email

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

  • Subscribe to Blog via Email

    Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog, receive notifications of new posts by email and join a customs union forever.

    Join 57 other subscribers