Business Proposal: Smirnoff Sponsorship

Please note that due to Copyright Trolls, all images have been removed until I can manually review them, one by one, and ensure credit is appropriately displayed. So if the story suddenly makes no sense, then...well...soz.

This is a long process, so please bear with will likely take until the end of 2024 until all images are reviewed and displayed correctly. Sigh.

Please note that this review is from May 12, 2018 and may be out of date...restaurants sometimes get better, get worse, employ a new chef or end up with new management.

When I started this blog, I was unemployed so couldn’t afford roast dinners that often (fucking Tories and their benefit cuts).

So I came up with a bright idea to write to companies that like doing cool shit, and proposing that they sponsor my blog.


Dear Smirnoff

I have long been a fan of yours since childhood. I remember the excitement when it first became available in Hull, and all of a sudden men were finally socially allowed to drink vodka (albeit only after 10 beers). And most bars never served Smirnoff anyway – Chekov if you were lucky.

Then I moved down south and it was a revelation – vodka and red bull was THE drink. And it was even acceptable to drink it as your first drink – as long as you had some kind of really cool story to tell the next day about falling over 11 times and falling asleep in some random shed. I used to be soooo cool that every story I had started with “I got hammered on vodka…”.

Yeah I was the man.

Not only that, but down south a vodka and orange actually consisted of orange juice – in Hull in the late 90’s it consisted of one shot of vodka and one shot of orange cordial. Just the cordial – no water.

Anyway, I’ve fallen on hard times recently and have had to resort to drinking Tesco vodka. Plus I’m trying to drink less – I don’t want to be cool any more. I have a shit 80’s hairdo FFS.

I was wondering if you wanted to sponsor my Roast Dinners in London blog. It could help you reclaim your stature as number 1 popular vodka drink from those Putin-stooges, Russian Standard. I like to think that I have a similarly edgy brand, appealing to young pub-goers who might want a fine shot of vodka with their roast dinner. Why, maybe we could try to make vodka-infused gravy together?

Or you could simply call it a thank you for reporting a local shop owner to Trading Standards, after drinking some Smirnoff a while back that smelt like petrol. And made me ill. He no longer has a license to sell alcohol.

Either way, I think we would be better together than Chekov and orange cordial.

I look forward to hearing from you – my blog is at

Kind regards

Lord Gravy


Hi, thanks for getting in touch. Unfortunately we’re not offering any sponsorship right now, but keep in touch, we’re always looking for cool partnerships in the future. Cheers, Smirnoff


I soon reverted from dosser to tosser and haven’t required sponsorship – this was my only attempt at gaining a business relationship. Though if you can think of a company that might be amused to receive such a request – do let me know.

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Business Proposal: Smirnoff Sponsorship


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