Business Proposal: Smirnoff Sponsorship

When I started this blog, I was unemployed so couldn’t afford roast dinners that often (fucking Tories and their benefit cuts).

So I came up with a bright idea to write to companies that like doing cool shit, and proposing that they sponsor my blog.

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Dear Smirnoff

I have long been a fan of yours since childhood. I remember the excitement when it first became available in Hull, and all of a sudden men were finally socially allowed to drink vodka (albeit only after 10 beers). And most bars never served Smirnoff anyway – Chekov if you were lucky.

Then I moved down south and it was a revelation – vodka and red bull was THE drink. And it was even acceptable to drink it as your first drink – as long as you had some kind of really cool story to tell the next day about falling over 11 times and falling asleep in some random shed. I used to be soooo cool that every story I had started with “I got hammered on vodka…”.

Yeah I was the man.

Not only that, but down south a vodka and orange actually consisted of orange juice – in Hull in the late 90’s it consisted of one shot of vodka and one shot of orange cordial. Just the cordial – no water.

Anyway, I’ve fallen on hard times recently and have had to resort to drinking Tesco vodka. Plus I’m trying to drink less – I don’t want to be cool any more. I have a shit 80’s hairdo FFS.

I was wondering if you wanted to sponsor my Roast Dinners in London blog. It could help you reclaim your stature as number 1 popular vodka drink from those Putin-stooges, Russian Standard. I like to think that I have a similarly edgy brand, appealing to young pub-goers who might want a fine shot of vodka with their roast dinner. Why, maybe we could try to make vodka-infused gravy together?

Or you could simply call it a thank you for reporting a local shop owner to Trading Standards, after drinking some Smirnoff a while back that smelt like petrol. And made me ill. He no longer has a license to sell alcohol.

Either way, I think we would be better together than Chekov and orange cordial.

I look forward to hearing from you – my blog is at http://rdldn.co.uk/

Kind regards

Lord Gravy

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Hi, thanks for getting in touch. Unfortunately we’re not offering any sponsorship right now, but keep in touch, we’re always looking for cool partnerships in the future. Cheers, Smirnoff

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I soon reverted from dosser to tosser and haven’t required sponsorship – this was my only attempt at gaining a business relationship. Though if you can think of a company that might be amused to receive such a request – do let me know.

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